


this has no title because i need a nap

by daggersandribbons



Series: Ineffable Boyfriends! (A teen/YA AU) [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Betrayal, Drunken Shenanigans, Gay Sex, I Tried, It’s literally 2 am, Jealousy, M/M, Marijuana, Original Character(s), also if squint hard there’s some ineffable bureaucracy, underage in USA not UK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 00:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20200789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daggersandribbons/pseuds/daggersandribbons
Summary: when an old friend comes back into town, tensions rise for Crowley and Aziraphale





	this has no title because i need a nap

Things were different now. With Aziraphales schooling and church work, Crowley found himself with a lot more free time. Though he’d been told he could hang out at the church nothing sounded less appealing. To him churches were just as sacred as the office supply store down the road. If it was just him and Aziraphale that’d be tolerable, but that was never the case because there always was multiple God loving teens and one judgmental pastor who always seemed to have a list of inquiries prepared for him about his “sinner lifestyle”.

“Wake up angel, you have your celestial duties to attend to.” Crowley murmured teasingly into Aziraphales ear. He normally wouldn’t dare wake his blonde haired personal space heater, who happened to look particularly adorable with his hair mussed up and his ass still pink, but it turns out Gabriel was more keen to being less of a prick if Crowley obliged once in a while.

“Don’t think tending to your morning erection is a celestial duty my love.” Aziraphale sleepily mumbled.

“What? Oh very funny. Come on, let’s get you in the shower before the church on wheels comes to get you.” Crowley responded. 

While the church was slightly more progressive with their attire, he doubted they’d approve of semen visibly matting parts of Aziraphales hair together; and he knew they wouldn’t approve of the story of Crowley getting a leg cramp and angling himself weird when he finished, thus the reason for the hairstyle. 

After a hot shower and sharing a few tender kisses before Aziraphales ride arrived, the red head wondered what to do for the day. It was a Saturday, which meant Crowley had three hours to kill until his boyfriend was back. Like most Saturdays he decided to spend his time by smoking a joint then wandering around the shops. As he mindlessly roamed the aisles of a grocery store, a familiar voice took him out of his wandering. 

“Lube, grapes, and coffee. Seems like the breakfast of champions.” She said. Crowley knew that voice well: her name was Poppet and for years if Crowley wasn’t with Aziraphale he was with her. 

“Poppet! Long time, no see! Yeah I’m just grabbing some stuff for myself and Aziraphale...you remember him right? Blonde, kind of goofy.” He was practically beaming talking about his boyfriend, any opportunity given to mention the lovely Aziraphale was one he would take. Poppet seemed a bit confused by Crowley’s love struck demeanor. 

“Aziraphale? That real churchy kid who cried when you bent a page of his book in grade four?”

“The very same, but now the only time he cries is when he’s begging me for more in bed.” He winked, acting as though Aziraphale hadn’t had him on his knees rutting and begging for any friction the afternoon before. 

Poppet twirled a piece of her dark blonde locks in her fingers. Her and Aziraphale weren’t exactly what you would call friends, what started as childish antics turned to a deep seated resentment of each other so hearing that him and Crowley were now an item made her blood burn. 

Together they roamed the store chatting and catching up until they headed out of the store. 

“I can give you a lift. I was just going to drive around, maybe park somewhere and light one up anyways.” She offered. It was exactly an hour and seventeen minutes till Crowley needed to be at the church to walk home with Aziraphale and he _was_ just intending on sitting in the church parking lot, but surely it wouldn’t hurt to kill some time. 

But time is such an incredibly simple thing to lose, so simple in fact that Crowley had forgotten he had to go get Aziraphale until he saw a pedestrian completely drenched from the rain. 

“Man I’d hate to caught out on foot in this weather.” He commented, fiddling with the dials on the car radio to find a station besides pop music and talk radio. The realization hit him like a paintball, causing him to turn the radio off and stare directly at Poppet. 

“I forgot to go get Aziraphale. Shit! Shit! Shit! Could you take me there? It’s that church near that shoe shop your dad used to work at.” 

Poppet nodded and headed to the church. Traffic was sparse due to the rain so they got there in record time, which was still an hour later than Crowley was supposed to be there. The redhead nearly tumbled out of the vehicle towards his boyfriend. Aziraphale looked absolutely pitiful, soaked to the bone and shivering. He clung to Crowley’s warm body, soaking up all the heat he could. 

“I’m so sorry angel, I truly am. Let’s go to my place and bundle up under the blankets and spoon, I’ll make sure you’re so warm and cozy I swear it.” Crowley said as they walked to the car. 

In all the excitement of being in a nice warm vehicle Aziraphale didn’t even think to question who’s it was. After all Crowley didn’t have his license yet and come to think of it he was pretty sure that he didn’t know anyone with a car that wasn’t black or grey. It didn’t even occur to him who was driving the car until the doors were shut and they were rolling forward. 

“So Zeep how was church? I didn’t know they had a Saturday service.” Suddenly it didn’t matter that Aziraphales body was six degrees below its normal temperature, hearing that nickname made him feel like he was being burned at the stake. The internal battle of truly detesting Poppet and enjoying the warmth of the car played back and forth in his mind like a game of table tennis. From anyone else the question would’ve been considered innocent, but with Poppet there was some form of attitude bound to come from it. 

“S-Service is tomorrow, today we prepared the p-programs for the service and helped the k-kiddos rehearse for their play.” Aziraphales teeth chattered, this car ride seemed endless. 

“Oh? The little ones are doing a play? Which scene are they doing: the crucifixion? Perhaps Judges nineteen?” She chuckled. 

Aziraphale was mortified that she would even joke about the children acting out such things, and the fact that Crowley got a smirk out of it made him even more enraged. 

“So Poppet, what brings you back here? Come to get caught in a stall with Christopher Ede during a class trip again?” The blonde male inquired snidely. Poppet took a sharp turn causing him to be flung off the other side of the backseat. 

“Actually I got a job here in the city. It’s such a shame both of you are still in school, I’ll have no one to spend my days off with.” She commented. Aziraphale knew what Crowley’s response would be and he desperately wished to prevent it but besides screaming every time Crowley went to speak, he had no ideas.

“I’m actually not in school anymore, decided it wasn’t for me so I’ll be free most days!” 

An idea came to Aziraphales mind seconds after his boyfriend spoke. If he timed it just right it could work perfectly, so as Poppet opened her mouth to speak she was interrupted by a pitiful whimper from the back seat. Crowley turned his attention to the sound and reached his hand out to his boyfriend, who graciously held it. 

“Dear Go- Someone! you’re freezing angel! Don’t worry we’ll be at my house in a moment and we’ll get you out of those damp clothes. I’ll hug you so tight and give you so many kisses that you’ll be the warmest healthy angel in London.” Crowley couldn’t help but be a sap when it came to Aziraphale. Bad boy demeanor be damned he was completely, as the teens say, “heart eyes” for him. The car was barely in park before Crowley was saying goodbye and ushering Aziraphale inside. 

“What’zz hiz problem? Lookzzz like a wet rat.” Beelzebub questioned. 

“I don’t have time for your shit.” Crowley responded while Aziraphale headed to the bathroom to peel off the saturated clothing until he was completely naked, which was somehow warmer than having clothes on. Though he was certainly warmer when Crowley gave him a dry set of clothes and some tea with a straw in it. From there they headed upstairs where Aziraphale was placed in the finest blanket nest while his favorite film was turned on before Crowley made his way into the nest. 

Besides some audible shivers and a few more apologies neither of them spoke, Crowley just slowly ran his hand over Aziraphales arm. A sudden feeling of jealousy ran through the blondes body. His boyfriend and Poppet were going to suddenly be spending time together and with his schedule giving her more hours to spend with Crowley then he could his brain called for something to remind Crowley (not that he needed it) just how special their relationship was. Jealousy mixed with mild hypothermia made a powerful cocktail in Aziraphale. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Crowley, it was the blondes own insecurities whispering to him how much happier he’d be with her. So as his body warmed he became more and more tired but he couldn’t rest until he was certain Crowley wouldn’t leave him. 

So Aziraphale guided the red heads arm downward till Crowley’s hand was draped over the his package. It didn’t take long for him to get the hint, grinning devilishly as he began kissing Aziraphales neck.

“I-I got punished today.” He mumbled. Crowley cocked his head to the side, interested in the story. “Well folding brochures can get a bit repetitive, so I let my mind wander. Suddenly I was imagining you under the table well um pleasuring me.” The wonder in Crowley’s eyes made Aziraphale blush all the more. 

“Hardly sounds like punishment material to me, plus how could they tell unless...oh you naughty angel-“

“If you are insinuating I...handled myself at that table you’d be wrong. That being said I quickly excused myself to the restroom to try to calm down but right before I got there I, of course, bumped into the pastor. It was dreadful and I got assigned to clean the church attic.”

Crowley couldn’t help but be humored by his situation. He could only imagine Aziraphale frantically trying to keep a cohesive conversation while simultaneously concentrating on hiding his erection. 

“Naughty angel.” He purred. “How was i pleasuring you? Hand? Mouth? Both?” 

Aziraphale yawned, “mouth, but for the sake of my coziness please use your hand my dear.” 

Nuzzling his face into the others pale neck, Crowley wrapped his fingers around the cock sending a volt of pleasure up Aziraphales spine. The blonde rubbed his ass against Crowley’s now fully erect member through the fabric. 

“I love you _unh_ so much Anthony.” Though it felt foreign to refer to Crowley by his first name, he felt it gave his words more meaning. 

“I love you too Aziraphale. You’re so perfect, I’m so lucky to have you.” Crowley groaned as his pace quickened. You can only wind sometimes so tightly before it’s bound to break, a statement true for clocks and in this case Aziraphale. The day had been too much for him and he just needed release, thankfully being granted as his hips jerked against Crowley’s hand until he came. He let out a mewl as his hips still bucked from aftershocks. 

Crowley wiped his hand on the underside of his pillow, he’d been meaning to wash the bedding anyways, before turning his bedside lamp off. 

“But you didn’t get off,” Aziraphale mumbled, though he certainly wasn’t going to make any effort to help the situation he pointed out. Crowley chuckled and kissed his boyfriend. 

“Trust me, ‘s totally okay. All I care about isss my ssssleepy angel getting some rest.”

~

From one Sunday to that following Thursday was all it took for Crowley and Poppet to be best friends again. On Friday Aziraphale got out of school earlier than usual so instead of going home he decided to head to Crowley’s, only to find he wasn’t there. He figured that the red head would be home soon enough, so he took his copy of Of Bees and Mist out of his backpack and started on page one. 

And he waited. 

He waited until the time came that he would usually be getting off of school. On the days that Aziraphale stayed at his own home, Crowley either invited himself over or made sure to call before dinner so the blonde wasn’t too concerned. He went home and did his homework, it was a simple French assignment so it didn’t take long. After that he was feeling a bit peckish so he went to the kitchen to find a before dinner snack. 

“Oh, Aziraphale I didn’t know you’d be here tonight. You are staying for dinner correct?” Gabriel questioned. He, of course, wasn’t cooking as his cooking privileges had been demoted to toaster after what was referred to as the Great Casserole Ruckus of ‘04. 

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?” Aziraphale inquired. 

“I just assumed you’d be going out to meet Crowley and that girl, I saw them going into a bar as I was coming home from my meeting.” The man paused. “He didn’t tell you did he?” Gabriel seemed almost delighted by the idea, which made Aziraphale all the more defensive. 

“Of course he told me! But it’s not like he needs to tell me every activity he does in a day he doesn’t tell me when he eats toast so why would this be any different?” He huffed, and Gabriel shrugged. 

Crowley hadn’t partied quite this hard in awhile. From a bar to a bar to a McDonald’s for McNuggets and fries to Poppets house they had gone. Together they crooned Killer Queen as they entered her room. Crowley flopped down on the bed as Poppet packed a bowl for them to share.

“_To avoid complications, she never kept the same address. In conversation she spoke just like a baroness. Met a man from Chi_\- I just found a nugget in my pocket!” He wheezed, it reminded him of the time Aziraphale had a shortbread in his coat pocket and a duck followed them across the park; which in turn led to Crowley wishing that Aziraphale was by his side. 

The reason he didn’t party like he used to wasn’t because his religious boyfriend didn’t like it, in fact he’d seen the blonde get sloppy drunk at a few parties, it was that he had the option of cuddling in bed and sharing some wine instead and he much preferred that. No party could ever beat the happiness Aziraphale gave him. 

Popper handed Crowley the pipe and a lighter. 

“I think after this I’m done for the night.” She chuckled. He nodded in agreement as he lit the green herb. 

“Same-“ He said on an exhale, coughing a bit before continuing “-haven’t even called Zira today, probably should I know he worries.” Only because Crowley worried just the same about him. 

“‘m sure he’s alright. Funny how some dick has taken the bad boy out of you. Or how does that work, like who does the receiving?” Poppet asked. 

“Dependsss on whoever doesss the giving.” He chuckled at his joke. “Nah but seriously it just dependsss on the day and just because I’m sweet on him doesn’t mean I’m sweet on everyone else. I’m still a bad boy.”

“Oh really? Because I highly doubt it, you’re not the old Crowley and that’s just fine.” Poppet replied, and he sensed some sarcasm in her tone. 

“I most definitely am the same!”

“Then prove it.”

Against better judgment Crowley hopped the neighbors fence on a mission to steal one of their garden gnomes. Had he not been wearing sunglasses at night maybe he would’ve noticed that big tarp he was heading towards was the cover of their pool. Any shred of confidence was gone as he desperately attempted to find his way out of the water. 

“Who the fuck are you?! Show your face!” A voice yelled as a beam of light hit his back. Slowly Crowley turned to face the person manning the flashlight. Poppet had said that the house belonged to a “nice, older couple”, she didn’t mention that husband was a bit on edge since his wife cheated on him with a younger man. 

“This has all been a misunderstanding!” Crowley spluttered. 

“Tryna fuck my wife while I’m home?! You sick fuck!” The man hollered 

“Y-Your wife?” He noticed the woman in the silky robe in the doorway of the house and he immediately understood what he was being accused of. “No! No! You’ve got it all wrong sir, I-I don’t even like females!” 

In his drunken mind that statement explained perfectly that he was gay and that he was dared to hop the fence but to the other man what was heard was _I am gay and I most definitely want to bend you over your mantle of childhood photos_. Sirens wailed as the police showed up to haul a sopping wet Crowley to the police station. 

“Anthony J. Crowley, I’ve seen your siblings in here a few times but never you. Why exactly were you in Mister and Missus Thomason’s pool?” A police officer asked as she tapped her pen on her clipboard. Crowley didn’t want to get Poppet in trouble, she had enough on her record already. 

“Got bored.” He replied simply. 

“Not sure how you got bored when you’re drunk _and_ high. Now since we don’t have your guardians number listed, would you like me to call Beelzebub or can you think of any other number?” The only number he could think of was Aziraphales home phone number which gave him less than a sixteen percent chance of actually getting ahold of his boyfriend on the first try. Still the possibility of getting one of the less douchey siblings to give Aziraphale the phone was greater than the possibility of any of his own siblings coming to bail him out. Luck for him Aziraphale picked up the phone. 

“Aziraphale speaking how may I- oh goodness, pardon me I was just headed to bed. How may I help you? If you need to speak to Gabriel I can take a mes-“

“It’s me angel. I did a dumb thing and I...I need you to help me out.” 

For a moment it was almost as the line went dead. 

“Are you alright?” Aziraphale asked. 

“I mean I guess I am, pretty shaken up though. I love you so much angel and I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed home with you.” Crowley said, not knowing that his boyfriend was fighting back tears on the other end. As badly as Aziraphale wanted to coddle the red head, he was still upset with him. 

“I love you too but why don’t you try calling Poppet since she means so much to you?” He asked before hanging up. It was important to him to add that I love you, because he really did love that idiot. Crowley groaned, looked like he was spending the night in a jail. 

The sun rose and shortly after that, both Beelzebub and Gabriel were at the police station. 

“I could’ve paid for hizzz bail, I just didn’t want to.” Beelzebub commented as they walked together in the parking lot.

“Mmhmm, oh trust me this is a treat for me. Though I wish Aziraphale had came with us, seeing his boy toy like this would set him on a better path.” Gabriel replied. 

“I thought dating a little church mouse would be too much of a good influence on Crowley, but with all the sex noisezzz coming from hizz room and this I can say I’ve been mistaken.” 

They stepped in time together down the hall to Crowley’s cell, where the red head was curled up in a ball asleep. The night before had been slow so his and the adjacent cells were practically empty. 

“RISE AND SHINE MAGGOTZZZ, NO REST FOR THE WICKED!” Beelzebub bellowed. 

“Uhh sir you can’t yell in here.” A sleepy guard commented from his desk earning double death glares from the two. 

“What did you just call me?” Zie hissed. 

“Huh? Oh sorry I just thought you were a dude I d-“

“Listen buddy before you end up get your ass kicked twice and not just once, Bee doesn’t abide by the same gender alignment as you or I and it takes less time to use the correct pronouns then it would for you to walk to the vending machine to buy another candy bar. You’re not pretty enough to be so stupid.” Let it be known that Gabriel was usually very much a morning person but that morning he spilled coffee on his favorite shirt so he was a bit tetchy. 

Crowley opened his eyes, “Oh just suck zir dick already, or whatever Beez’s got down there.” He groaned as the events of last night came back to haunt him. Holding his stomach he urged anyone who was looking to look away before he started to throw up. 

“Keep it up and I’ll send you to that care home to spend time with the elderlies.” Babies and children were unpredictable in a fun way, coming up with such interesting ideas. The elderly, at least in every interaction Crowley had with one, always tried to touch your face or hair, they all smelled like old person, and always wanted to know “do you have a girlfriend? Oh you’re so handsome I’d be surprised if you don’t.” Then you either try to explain the simple subject of a male dating a male or give up, so he always made a general rule to avoid them.

He stood up and wiped his mouth. There was Beelzebub, and Gabriel, but no Aziraphale? 

“You’re real lucky that man didn’t press charges, you’d be in jail for sure.” commented Gabriel as they down the hall and out the door. 

“The man has an outdoor pool in a town where twenty three degrees is a good day, so he’s obviously insane or flooded with cash...kinda like Gabriel.” Beelzebub responded. 

“As if, i don’t even like swimming that much. I prefer a nice jog, really gets the heart pumping.”

“So doezzz beating the shit out of someone.”

While they conversed Crowley was silent. His head was spinning and all he wanted was to nap for a year. Plus there was the fact of Aziraphale, who was surely angry with Crowley. Why else would he not come with to bail him out? Though his angel was probably upset there was nothing he wanted more than to be in bed beside him. 

“Take me to Aziraphale or I’ll spew all over this car.” Crowley threatened. Gabriel was going to respond with something about _what makes you think Aziraphale wants to see you?_ But seeing as how he didn’t really care what Aziraphale wanted but he did _really_ care about keeping his car clean he shut his mouth and kept driving. Beelzebub, not being a morning person, had zir eyes shut the second the car started moving. 

After a trip to the bathroom to throw up and brush his teeth with toothpaste and his finger, Crowley stumbled upstairs to Aziraphales room where the blonde was still asleep. He looked so peaceful, truly worthy of the nickname “angel” as his tousled curls laid gently on his head leading to his soft face like a halo. 

“Zira...I’m sorry I was so reckless. I-I was just having fun like I used to, but now I have so much more fun with you. I don’t need those old friends that are stuck in the past, I just want to make new memories with you and I really hope you aren’t angry with me because my stomach hurts and I just want to nap with you.” Crowley said. Aziraphale scrunched up his nose and yawned. 

“My dear just come lay down.” 

Crowley eagerly obliged, breathing in Aziraphales scent as he nuzzled his face into the others chest. 

“I love you Anthony Crowley, even if you are a bit of a bastard.” He sleepily mumbled, wrapping his arms around Crowley’s slender frame. After some sleep and a meal, Aziraphale decided now was the time to tell his boyfriend exactly how he was feeling. Rather than yelling though, he made the simple gesture of not sitting beside him on the bed but rather at his desk. Crowley looked over in curiosity, taking the bait. 

“Hey um angel, you know can sit by me right? I don’t bite unless provoked.” He chuckled to himself at the joke and Aziraphale turned face Crowley, but he didn’t stand up. 

“I’m upset with you.” Aziraphale said, there was no emotion to the sentence but inside he was hurting. 

He couldn’t even look Crowley in the eyes as he said the words because then he’d gaze into those blue eyes and Aziraphale would cry. Some might say that he was being too dramatic about the situation, after all it was only one time. But Aziraphale knew his boyfriend well enough to know that this accidental dip in the pool was the first step on a short walk to fall into a volcano. He’d lost him once he wasn’t about to lose him again. 

So they talked, and talked. Aziraphale expressed his concerns about Poppet and Crowley rebutted with how lonely he gets without Aziraphale, which in turn turned into a debate on whether Crowley should re-enroll in school or not. They didn’t argue long, because a simple “you look so sexy when you’re angry” made the blonde feral and they tumbled onto the floor for a delightfully rough make out session. Rutting against each other, the friction and raw emotion was enough for them as Crowley licked and bite love bites all of Aziraphale to mark him as his; and Aziraphale subsequently doing the same by digging his nails into Crowley’s shoulder blade until they reached their climaxes. 

“Well that was...new to say the least. Not entirely unpleasant, although next time I’d prefer us being naked.” Aziraphale remarked. Out of breath beside him, Crowley let out a laugh. 

“Whatever you say angel.” 

Fourteen days went by and all seemed well. Aziraphale had made an arrangement with the head of the church youth volunteer committee, without Gabriel’s knowledge, to work more on Saturday and Sunday if he could get out of volunteer work on Monday and Friday; and Crowley hadn’t talked to Poppet since the incident. 

Metal forks clinked against ceramic plates as Aziraphale and Crowley shared some fettuccine in Crowley’s kitchen. 

“I’m surprised that your siblings haven’t stormed in here requesting food.” Aziraphale commented. Just as he finished his sentence, Hastur walked in. 

“No you can’t have any pasta, go away.” Crowley remarked. Hastur blinked a few times before responding. 

“You have a visitor.” 

The couple shared a confused look before the answer to their unasked question came walking into the kitchen. 

“Crowley we need to talk.” Poppet stated. She looked like she had ran straight from work to his house. 

“Erm okay? Couldn’t have just called me?” 

She took a deep breath, a lot was at stake with what she was about to say. 

“Anthony Crowley, I think you should break up with Aziraphale. He’s a sniveling brat and you can do so much better. I wouldn’t have came here if I wasn’t absolutely certain that doing that would be the best choice for you. He’s not even pretty enough to be so stupid. So...what do you say?”

Aziraphale was fuming and about two seconds from throwing his plate at her had Crowley not started laughing. 

“It all makes sense now. Poppet, when I asked you where you were working and you brushed off my question, was it because you didn’t want me to know who your boss is?” He asked. Poppet froze and Aziraphale was more confused than he was a moment ago.

“Can someone please explain what’s going on?!” He exclaimed. 

“Poppet works for Gabriel, who I assume offered her more money and benefits if she breaks us up?” Crowley questioned. After a pause Poppet nodded. 

In her head it made perfect sense: she already didn’t like Aziraphale so if she could earn money AND get her old best friend back, why wouldn’t she? Aziraphale was upset beyond belief. All he had ever done was been nice, especially to his family, and yet his family continuously tried to ruin the one good thing he had in his life.

“You can run and tell your boss that he doesn’t know what he started and that he’s going to regret not minding his own business.” The blonde growled. “Oh and by the way dearest Poppet, do not ever speak to Crowley again. Don’t even think about him, or I will know.” 

All hell was about to break loose for both families, and it would all start with a phone call.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed and I apologize for any errors I made!
> 
> support me on ko-fi: daggersandribbons


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